"How I Got Through The Loss of My Son"

The phone rang at exactly 11:12pm July 9, 2005, it was my sister on the other end. She said, there has been an accident and Lil Dan was thrown out of the car, get to Delta Regional Medical Center as soon as possible! My heart began to beat rapidly and loudly, I could hear the beats so clearly, my nerves took control of all my faculties, and my breath got very short. I had started to hyperventilate, so I arose in my bed sat on the side of it , and began to count in intervals of 10 I knew I had to pull myself together, I had to drive! I then began to call on Jesus, after doing so I began to calm all the way down. I started to pray I said Jesus help me please give me the strength and capability to tackle the task ahead, I said, "Father, Not My Will, But thine Be Done". Immediately, I calmed all the way down so I put on my clothes, and headed out of the door and got in my car, before cranking it up to precede I said "Jesus Take The Wheel". I prayed all the way there, in the midst of a ride that seemed like an eternity. Eventually, we made it to the hospital (Jesus and I). Upon arrival my father met me at my car, and the expression on his face spoke volumes, he then reached out to embrace me, but I couldn't reciprocate I walked away from him and began approaching the ER. After entering I saw an emergency room full of people, parents and friends of mine and of the other children who was in the car, you see my son was the driver, but there was three other children in the car my niece was one of them along with two of their friends. My sister approached me with tears in her eyes, she reached out to me for comfort, because it was her daughter, her nephew, and her stepdaughter among the four who was in that car, but I just wasn't feeling it. All I wanted to know was the status of my son, I know that may sound selfish but it is the truth. I walked away from her and everyone that was sitting in the ER and went to a corner and started to pray again the Sheriff came out and asked for the parents of Daniel, that's what they called him, so I went back with him and what came next was total disbelief, he said, "Daniel didn't make it". He preceded to tell me that he had told them what had happened, and he was laughing a lot. You see that was his character he always wanted to clear things up, especially if it was his fault. The Sheriff then said alcohol wasn't involved and if I wanted to go and identify the body. I refused and asked Pastor Jordan if he would do it for me, because his father had not yet made it there, I then left the hospital. I got in my car and drove to my mothers house and told her what had happened, she couldn't believe it, her first grandson was no longer with us she was very distraught. I stayed there with her for a little while, after realizing that she was OK I went back home and it hit me I knew I was gonna have to be the strength for my entire family, just like I had always been, even though it was my son. I started talking to God again I asked him to help me make it through this. I didn't blame him, I didn't question him, all I did was ask him, to give me strength and be there for me like he had always been. I went back to bed and laid there in disbelief my 19yr. old son, my only son, is gone he actually is gone. Around 4:00am the telephone rang it was a hospital Representative calling concerning my son's organs, at first I thought what? Is this woman for real? Then it was as though I heard my son speaking to me telling me to do it, because that's the kind of person he was, so I said yes. It was the hardest decision I ever had to make, but I knew that it would help somebody else and that is exactly what he would've wanted. Everyday after that, leading up to the funeral, I prefer to call it "Home Going" I prayed like never before, I needed Jesus, his strength, his comfort, his wisdom, I needed all of him because I knew that the only way I was going to make it through this tragedy was with him and through him. No one in my family could help or give me what I needed he was the only one. I made it through the "Home Going" with ease, Jesus kept his word he never left me or forsook me, and provided me with everything I needed. I was able to praise my way through, I sang a solo, and people came in off the streets and gave their life to Jesus Christ it was indeed a joyous occasion. I know this may sound strange to some, but I can assure you it spoke volumes to me. It was revealed to me who he was, how he impacted lives that I didn't even know about, and people was able to rejoice and celebrate his life in order for "God to get the Glory" out of it. I was overjoyed because of it. So I can tell you how I made it through the most trying time in my life, it was because of my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ and I know it, and I'll tell the world that if it had not been for the Lord on my side I would have lost my mind, and I love him so much, more and more everyday, because he has shown me he will never leave me no matter how dark the days may get.